Therapy vs Coaching

Why I believe there is a place for both therapy and life coaching.

Before I discovered life coaching, I thought I needed something to be wrong with me in order to get help. I wanted a diagnosis because I thought it would give me a path to a solution.

I know some of you can relate. You are functioning, but you are still suffering. You want help, perspective, and a way to move forward.

For me, life coaching provided that possibility. It gave me a way to work on my mind and create a different future. That is one of the biggest blessings of this work.

There is absolutely a place for therapy. I was going to become a therapist myself. There is also an amazing place for life coaching, and I believe they can coexist beautifully. Understanding the difference helps us appreciate what each has to offer.

What I learned from my experience in therapy

I spent years in therapy, sometimes seeing my doctor four days a week. I also studied psychology and therapy in college, and many therapists have come through The Life Coach School to become coaches. We have had a lot of conversations about the differences between the two professions.

The therapy I experienced was very focused on the past: childhood, unconscious thoughts, and what earlier experiences might mean about my present life.

My doctor revealed almost nothing about herself. I remember seeing her in a store and being surprised that she was there, eating and being human. I knew so little about her because our sessions were entirely focused on what I said and what it might reveal.

We spent a lot of time discussing possible meanings and unconscious motivations. It was abstract, and I did not feel that I was making progress toward the goals I wanted to achieve.

At the time, I was experiencing a lot of anxiety. Having a place to talk felt like doing a thought download. But the theories about my unconscious mind did not feel effective in helping me move forward.

That was my personal experience. Other kinds of therapy felt very different to me.

Different kinds of therapy offer different experiences

When I was a teenager, I went to a marriage and family therapist with my mom. There was more back-and-forth conversation, more problem-solving, and more attention to communication skills. I felt that I was being taught something I could use.

My family also worked with a marriage and family therapist while my brother was going in and out of rehab. We did not know how to relate to him, and he did not know how to relate to us. Working on those relationships was a positive experience. I have also had clients describe helpful experiences resolving conflict with marriage and family therapists.

Cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT, has similarities to coaching because it focuses on thinking, behavior, and problem-solving. The cognitive part relates to our thoughts. The behavioral part relates to our actions—the A line in the Model.

There is overlap in the work, but the purpose matters. A coach does not diagnose illness. In my coaching, I am typically working with someone who is already functioning and wants to take their life to the next level.

Coaching focuses on what you want to create next

One of the biggest differences in my experience is the focus on the future. There are things in our past that need attention and healing. There are also problems that do not require us to keep reliving and retelling the past in order to move forward.

I have received hundreds of emails from people who have spent years in therapy and then experienced significant change through coaching. I believe the future focus of coaching is one reason for that.

If we keep rehearsing the same thoughts and stories about the past, we keep practicing those thoughts. Coaching gives us an opportunity to work on how we are thinking now and what we want to create next.

This is what lights me up: massive action, momentum, and seeing someone change their life in the way they want to. I love watching a person discover that they are capable of more than they believed.

A client wrote to me at 55, amazed that she was experiencing some of her biggest accomplishments at that point in her life. Her income and health had improved, and she connected those changes to focusing on her mind and thinking deliberately.

That is the possibility I want people to see. Your future does not have to be a repetition of your past.

Therapy and coaching can work together

There have been clients I started working with who clearly needed therapy before we began coaching. When someone has come to me struggling to function with depression, addiction, or compulsion, I have referred them for that help.

I have also seen psychiatrists change people's lives. Some clients needed medication to get to a place where they could begin working on their minds. I do not believe we should have to figure all of this out on our own.

Many of my students and clients have been in therapy while working with me at the same time. I have wonderful relationships with therapists who share clients with me. There can be a place for both kinds of work in one person's life.

I have personally found coaching effective in helping me move beyond painful experiences. That does not mean every client is ready for the same work. Recognizing when someone needs therapy is part of my responsibility as a coach.

Give your mind the attention it deserves

Whether I am talking about therapy or coaching, I want to honor the importance of investing in your mental health. Your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are worth your attention.

For me, self-coaching means studying ourselves because we matter. It means taking care of our needs, planning our time, and honoring our commitments. It means allowing ourselves and other people to be human while still pursuing the results we want.

We think deliberately. We feel thoroughly. We act massively.

That is the work I want to offer: helping you move toward the next version of your life and blow your own mind about what you are capable of. I honor therapy and coaching as professions that can help people, and I am excited about the possibilities life coaching opens up.