Mind over Matter

Turn the obstacles between you and your goal into a practical list of problems to solve.

The obstacles between you and your goal can become your to-do list.

Imagine a ladder. Your goal is at the top. Each rung is an obstacle you need to turn into an opportunity on the way there.

You can look at those obstacles and decide they mean stop. Or you can see them as the raw material for success.

That is how I want you to think about mind over matter. Matter is the result you want to create in the world. Your mind is what allows you to create it.

Your mind overcomes obstacles, and your mind also decides what makes something an obstacle in the first place. Understanding that gives you a different relationship with the whole journey.

Choose one goal and commit to it

One mistake I see is spreading desire and attention across too many things. You want to create several results, but none receives your full commitment.

Choose one thing that will ask a lot of you. Maybe it's a financial goal, a writing goal, or reaching the weight you want. Pick something that can blow your mind.

Then find your compelling reason. Make the commitment and refuse to use quitting as a way to escape the difficult part.

Quitting becomes a habit too. It doesn't build resilience. Working through what comes up does.

Let the obstacles show you the work

If overeating is between you and your goal, part of your work is learning how not to overeat. If desire for food is an obstacle, part of the work is understanding and changing that desire.

The obstacle isn't a surprise interruption. It's a rung on the ladder.

I once asked one of my son's friends about his grades. I knew him as a capable, disciplined child from watching him play soccer. When I asked whether he could get an A if I paid him $1,000 for it, the question brought a compelling reason into the picture.

I wanted him to see that his thinking about the work mattered. Thoughts such as not wanting to do it now or not believing it was important could be what was getting in the way.

We can look at our own goals the same way. What are we believing about the work? What reason have we given ourselves to follow through?

Practice beliefs that create resilience

You have the privilege of deciding what you want to believe about yourself and your capacity.

One of my useful beliefs is that every problem has a solution. It directs my mind toward solving rather than complaining.

Another is that I am not confused. I don't mean I instantly understand every problem. I mean I don't use confusion as a reason to stop taking action.

When I get an unexpected result, I ask for the next best action. That question keeps me moving instead of sending me toward bed, snacks, and Netflix.

I also practice thinking that nothing has gone wrong. The obstacle is part of the process that helps me become the person who can create and live with the result.

What thoughts would help you keep going? What would you believe if you weren't going to give up?

Use your future self to ask better questions

Imagine you've already achieved the goal. Ask yourself how you did it.

You're asking your future self for a perspective that your current doubt may not offer. Instead of debating whether it's possible, you're considering the path of someone who created it.

You can also ask what you can change now. If you keep focusing on circumstances outside your control, bring your attention back to your thinking and the action you can take.

Your thoughts create your feelings, which drive your actions and results. Determination, courage, patience, and commitment are feelings you can practice generating through the way you think.

They become fuel for following through.

Choose excellence over perfectionism

Perfectionism and people pleasing can stall your action. You wait until the work will impress everyone before you let it into the world.

I want you to allow yourself to be fallible. Do B-minus work and put it out there. Learn from your mistakes instead of arranging your life so you never risk making one.

When you avoid the possibility of failure by doing nothing, you fail ahead of time. You also miss the learning that the attempt would have provided.

Work teaches you what you don't know. If you aren't sure what to do, doing something helps you find out whether it creates the result you want.

Action also reveals thoughts you didn't know were there. You may feel confident while imagining a goal, then discover doubt once you begin. That's work you can now see and do.

Stop giving the world the job of managing your mind

We can spend so much energy trying to change other people so we can feel better.

I did that with my mother. I wanted her to become the person I thought she should be. What changed my experience was learning to manage my thinking, set clear boundaries, and take responsibility for how I felt.

She got to be herself. I got to grow up in my own mind.

I also remember describing a friend's life as full of drama. Another coach pointed out that I was creating the drama through my interpretation. She was right. I was looking for it and finding it.

You give circumstances their meaning. You can practice interpreting them in a way that serves you instead of treating them as more powerful than your mind.

Build resilience before you need it

The external goal gives you a place to practice. It brings your limitations into view and lets you see the results of your thinking and emotional management.

When you set a challenging goal, commit to it, and work through the obstacles, you build resilience deliberately.

Then, when life brings something unexpected that you didn't choose, you have practiced that capacity. You know how to work with your mind rather than only react to what happens.

If you've fallen behind, that isn't a reason to quit. Schedule time, return to the work, and build momentum again.

Set the goal. Create the compelling reason. Keep moving. Use your mind to turn each obstacle into the next rung on your ladder.