Make Yourself Proud

Recognize the effort you respect—even before the outcome is certain.

I will never forget leaving my mother's house after setting boundaries with her.

I had sat down and read her a letter. I was terrified to have that conversation, and I had reason to be. It was challenging. When I left, I was upset.

And I had never felt more proud of myself.

I had overcome my fear to do something that mattered to me. The situation wasn't suddenly easy. But the way I thought about showing up for myself created an emotion I wanted to experience again.

Pride comes from what you think

When I ask what would make you feel proud, you probably think of something you could do. An accomplishment. A goal. A difficult conversation.

But doing the thing doesn't create the feeling. Your thinking about doing it creates the feeling.

I can feel proud when I think about making it through my childhood. I can feel proud of how I prepare for a webinar or work with a client. I can feel proud when I think about what I plan to do in the future.

In each case, I am feeling pride now. The thought I am thinking in this moment is creating it.

That means you don't have to wait for a future achievement before you can feel proud. You can find reasons in your past, your present, and even in what you are willing to attempt next.

Give yourself what you want from other people

As children, we want our parents and teachers to be proud of us. As adults, we can keep looking for approval because we want that same feeling.

But pride is something we can give ourselves.

I look for reasons to be proud of my children. That comes naturally to me. I want to practice looking at myself with that same attention.

What have I done? What have I come through? How have I shown up? Where have I taken care of myself or someone I love?

When you ask those questions, you give your brain a job. You ask it to find the thoughts that create pride instead of only collecting evidence against you.

Your reasons don't have to be enormous

You don't have to change the whole world. You can change your little corner of it.

I want to believe I am leaving the world a little better than I found it. I want to add value and help in the ways I can. Thinking about that makes me proud.

I also feel proud of much smaller things. Going to yoga. Taking time to look my son in the eyes and say something kind. Taking a risk in my business. Showing up when I would rather retreat.

When I was doing a 100-day challenge without alcohol, I felt proud of continuing to say no to wine on the days it was difficult. I wasn't waiting until the whole challenge was finished to recognize my effort.

Sometimes getting out of bed or taking care of yourself is what you can do that day. You can have a high opinion of that action.

Pride is not a competition

Some people resist feeling proud because they think it is boastful or contrived.

I disagree. Looking down on yourself is also a way of thinking. Dismissing everything you do as insignificant doesn't create more goodness in the world. It denies you the pleasure of recognizing your own effort.

Being proud of yourself doesn't mean you are better than anyone else. You can be proud of yourself and proud of other people. There is no competition for this emotion.

It also doesn't have to be all or nothing. You don't have to feel proud every moment or decide you hate yourself. Accumulate moments of pride. A little every day, or even once a week, is more than none.

Be proud of the attempt

Imagine setting a goal to make $100,000 in your business. At the end of the year, maybe you haven't made that amount.

You can still feel proud of the effort: the risks you took, the offers you made, the things you tried, and the ways you showed up.

You don't have to have a high opinion of the result to have a high opinion of your actions.

This is why I ask you to think about your future. A year from now, or ten years from now, what would make you proud of yourself? What would you be glad you attempted?

Start thinking that way now. Find the pride in being willing. Let that feeling help you make a plan and take action.

Make yourself proud on purpose

We can do hard things. We can feel proud when we decide to try, use that pride to help us act, and then feel proud of ourselves for doing it.

The order matters. You don't have to withhold pride until you have earned a perfect result. Feeling proud can fuel the work that gives you more reasons to be proud.

So ask yourself what you want to have a high opinion of. How do you want to show up? What effort do you want to make? What would make you proud, even if nobody else approved?

Nobody can take away your opinion of yourself. Decide what matters to you, find a reason to feel proud now, and let that feeling help you move in the direction you want to go.