How to Believe New Things

Build a believable thought—and practice it until it becomes familiar.

A student told me she didn't have as much commitment or resolve as I did. She believed that meant she couldn't create the same result.

She thought she was making an observation. I wanted her to see that she was telling me a belief.

When you believe you aren't committed, you feel less committed. You take less committed action. Then your result becomes the evidence that you were right all along.

Your belief isn't simply reporting what is possible. It is helping determine what you do.

A belief is a thought you keep thinking

Many of the things we believe about ourselves were taught to us when we were children. We accepted them without questioning them.

My mother told me I was bright. She had my intelligence tested, I did well, and she repeated that I was smart. I believed her.

She also told me I would always have to watch my weight. I believed that, too. I don't think she meant to hurt me. But I used that belief to hurt myself for a long time.

My friend Jodi had a different experience. Her mother told her every day how beautiful she was. To this day, Jodi deeply believes in her own beauty. Her weight and what she is wearing don't change that belief.

We learned these thoughts. Then we continued thinking them. We can look at the beliefs we inherited and decide which ones we want to keep practicing.

Your worth is not up for negotiation

I believe my worth has already been decided. I didn't create myself. I was given this life, and the essence of me is worthy.

We don't look at a newborn baby and question whether that baby is good enough to be here. We were all that baby. At some point, we started treating our worth as a question.

Even with my deep belief in my own value, I can wake up with thoughts of self-loathing. My brain can tell me I should be better or different.

That doesn't make those thoughts true. Thinking I am unworthy does not mean I am unworthy. It means my brain is thinking a thought.

Being able to see that distinction changes how I relate to my thinking. I don't have to accept every thought as a fact about me.

First, find out what you believe now

Choose something specific: your body, your work, a relationship, or a goal. Write down everything you believe about it.

Don't start by trying to make the list positive. Start by telling the truth about what is in your mind.

Then use the Self Coaching Model to examine a few of those thoughts. What feeling does the thought create? What do you do from that feeling? What result do those actions produce?

I asked a client who was considering leaving her marriage to write down her thoughts about it. Her list was full of painful, blaming thoughts. Seeing them helped her recognize how much her thinking was creating her experience.

That can feel uncomfortable at first. It means taking responsibility. It also gives you something you can work on, instead of waiting for everyone else to change.

Decide what you want to believe

Once you see your current beliefs, write down the thoughts you want to practice instead.

I sometimes do what I call a rampage of positivity. I take my negative thoughts and look for thoughts that feel better and that I can believe.

I might move from wondering whether I can do something to believing I can do it no matter what. I remind myself that I am strong, that I have the ability, or that liking myself is available and worth the effort.

The part about believing the new thought matters. Repeating an affirmation you don't believe can make you practice its opposite.

If you think your body is ugly, telling yourself it is beautiful might immediately bring up disagreement. Instead, you can start with a neutral thought: I have a body.

That doesn't feel amazing, but it feels better than attacking your body. It is a step you can actually believe. You can build the ladder from there.

Practice the new thought deliberately

Your familiar beliefs have been practiced over and over. A new belief needs practice, too.

I write down my goals and the thoughts I want to believe about them. I remind myself that I am smart enough, that I have enough time, and that what I offer is needed and wanted.

Then I read those thoughts again. I think them again. Sometimes I say them out loud so I can hear what I am teaching myself.

When I wake up criticizing myself, I practice telling myself that I love myself and that it is okay. When I look in the mirror, I greet myself in the friendly way I would greet someone I love.

These are small moments of choosing what I want to think instead of leaving my mind on its familiar loop.

Believing a goal today isn't enough if you abandon the belief tomorrow. When you notice your commitment waning, recommit. Practice the belief that supports the action you want to take.

Give your brain a direction

Write down what you believe now. Write down what you want to believe. Make a list of thoughts that move you toward that belief in words you can accept.

Give yourself time each day to practice them. I recommend committing to that practice for 30 days.

Thoughts create feelings. Feelings drive actions. Actions create results. When you practice a different belief, you are practicing the thinking that will drive a different level of action.

What do you want to believe about yourself? Decide, and then teach your brain to think it.