Being Decisive

Choose with a reason you respect, then learn through the action that follows.

You do not spend a month making a decision. You make the decision in an instant. You may spend a month waiting to make it.

That distinction matters because so many of us spend our lives in the waiting. We think about whether to change jobs, start a business, get married, or have children. We keep saying we do not know.

It feels important to stay confused. But confusion is not moving you forward. Being decisive is.

I want you to make decisions, honor them, and have your own back. That is how you save time, take action, grow, and create confidence.

Make a decision ahead of time and honor it

One of the amazing things about being human is that we can think about the future. We can decide now what we are going to do later.

You can decide what you are going to eat, whether you are going to drink, when you will work out, or what you will do to build your company. You make that decision before you get to the moment when you do not feel like following through.

Then you honor it.

This is how you stop letting the part of your brain that wants instant gratification make every choice. You use your ability to plan, and you follow the plan you made.

Staying in “I don't know” does the opposite. It keeps you in limbo. You consume more information instead of contributing something. You keep postponing the experience that would help you learn.

Stop calling your past decisions wrong

People tell me that marrying someone, dating someone, or moving somewhere was a wrong decision. I encourage them to consider a different way of thinking about their lives.

What makes it a wrong decision? You deciding to call it wrong.

You can see the decisions you made as the path of your life. You can honor that path and honor yourself for taking it. You can have your own back instead of using your past against yourself.

When you do that for your past decisions, you become more willing to make decisions now. You know that your future self will support you instead of looking back and attacking you for choosing.

That is the thinking that creates confidence. When you are decisive and you back yourself up, you feel very different from how you feel when you are doubting and going back and forth.

Decide, act, and learn

Making a decision frees up the time you were spending in confusion. It also gives you somewhere to direct your action.

Once you decide what your business will be, you can begin building it. Once you choose, you expand your experience. That is how you grow.

The more you act and learn, the more you discover what you want to keep doing, stop doing, and move toward. That creates more confidence, which makes you more willing to decide again.

I encourage you to make a decision, stop entertaining all the other options, and follow through.

You can change a decision after you have taken action, gotten more information, and feel positive about making another choice. That is different from taking a little action, getting scared, and retreating into confusion.

Do not confuse doubt with a reason to abandon your own decision.

Consider more than the options you started with

When you are deciding, step back and consider everything. We often impose limitations without realizing it.

We also give extra weight to whatever we have already been doing. Ask yourself whether you would choose it now if there were no history attached.

Would you take this job today? Would you hire this employee again? Would you buy this house? Would you spend this money?

“I've been doing it for so long” may not be the reason you want for continuing. Make sure you like your reason for choosing.

And check whether you really have to choose one thing instead of the other. If you want to become a life coach, could you keep your job and coach in the evenings? Sometimes the decision is to say yes to both.

Imagine that either choice turns out amazing

One of my favorite questions is this: If both options turned out amazing, which would you choose?

So often, you have already imagined one choice failing. Your anticipated failure is making the decision for you.

Consider staying married and making that marriage amazing. Then consider leaving and making your life amazing. If you could create an amazing life either way, which would you choose?

You can also ask what you would do if failure were no big deal. What if you were only winning or learning?

When you remove the thought that failure ruins everything, you can see what you actually want much more clearly.

Ask your future self, then give yourself a deadline

When I am making a big decision, I ask the version of me who is ten years older what I should do and why. She always seems so much wiser. She has wonderful answers.

I also ask what love would do. Sometimes love means leaving. Sometimes it means saying no. That question has helped me with every kind of decision.

Ask what moves you toward who you want to be. Fear and discomfort are not reasons to stay where you are. Discomfort is the currency of getting what you want.

Look at the best and worst possibilities for each option, including the possibility of missing out on the best outcome because you never choose it.

Then give yourself a deadline. Make the decision and move forward. If it feels scary, that is okay.

You do not need to spend the rest of your life in limbo. You can choose, honor your choice, and have your own back.